1. The last time I saw her she was wearing a fake moustache.
2. While it may be true that artistic pursuits contribute little to the material welfare of a any given culture, art is vital to any society with the capacity to be bored.
3. If there's one thing I've learned from my parents it's this: All futures become old school.
   
4. I've spent my whole life trying to figure out how to walk down a street with a black man
   and not notice that he's black.
5. "Public servants" pretend they are not, first and foremost, ambitious.
6. Only after the rain ended did he smell the peaches.
7. I know he meant to say tangential, but he kept right on saying tangenital.
8. I'm not saying I'm proud, but I did win an award for that once.
9. All I really remember in those first few minutes was his initial response, which went something like "What do you mean you dropped it? It's seventy-fucking-one stories, Larry. Seventy one. Now what the fuck are we gonna do? Huh? You asshole."
10. I've been meaning to tell you this, but you look like a monkey.
11. The chicanery needed to stop, before any one got hurt.
12. There is a miniature pump doctors call the Berlin Heart.
13. A little over two weeks ago my Jess looked out the window and then she turned and ran for the door yelling: something's wrong with Mattie!
14. The gourd was hardly engorged, but rather wilted and withered.
15. The horizon, however flat it may appear from where humans usually stand, is actually the outer edge of a vertiginous spheroid, and therefore almost unbearably round.
16. This essay deals with the history of turnips.
17. By now the notion that boiled eggs are tasty is something of a commonplace.
18. Among the many threats to America's economic stability, some of which are quite serious, I need to pay my babysitter with something other than loose change.
19. Where has all the old-fashioned bric-a-brac gone?
20. Summertime rested like a nap just on the other side of May.
21. I've got a few hard things to tell myself about myself.
22. Just because something is as big as a house does not make it a house.
23. There is ten things I am going to delve through.

Labels: Saint Rose, teaching

From the Queenzone: My list of Queen's top ten biggest mistakes.

So first, here's my contribution to the notice board list:

1. Never returning to USA for concert tour.
2. Not crediting songwriting to all four from the beginning.
3. Wrong singles from Hot Space, and wrong order of the ones chosen.
4. Wrong order of singles from The Works.
5. Draining of creative juices and good songs for solo projects, 1981-1985 on Roger's, Freddie's, and to a lesser extent Brian's part.
6. Cheesy, dated production on Hot Space, The Works, A Kind of Magic, and The Miracle, and increasing in cheesiness in that order.
7. Lyrics written by committee, post The Works.
8. No double albums released when they could have in the late 70s.
9. Not appearing on live US television except for Saturday Night Live.
10. Freddie not coming out as a gay man, as Elton John et al. did and [many others] continue to do.

Most of this is Queen fan wonkiness, to be sure. Lots of my fellow fans agree with me on numbers 1-9. But nobody but nobody seems to agree with me about #10, to the point where people will say that Freddie, because he had a girlfriend once, is technically bisexual.

There's also a debate over whether Queen playing Sun City in 1984, when there was a United Nations international cultural boycott, was a mistake. I mean, it definitely was publicity- and career-wise; even the band members begrudgingly admit themselves. The message board then turned away from that main point, as many message boards do, to the larger question of whether artists should get involved in politics at all? Many Queen fans don't think so. Which, of course, is a shame, and to my mind wrong-headed.

And once again, at least in the world of Queen fans, I am thrust into the role of the accidental activist, fighting for gay rights and the rights of the artist to engage in politics. And I find myself debating a 17-year-old Brazilian about the finer points of Bob Dylan. As a white, heterosexual, largely apolitical artist, you could say I have no vested interest in either gay rights or apartheid. But it enrages me that Queen fans will spout off about such things.

Why do I adopt such an aggressive persona over at Queenzone and am such a wuss here on my own site? Maybe I care about Queen more than myself. It's entirely possible.

Labels: God Save My Queen, Queenspotting

Permanent link | 11:12 AM | 0 comments

Graphic Essay 6: The Unworthy Appendage.

Labels: Graphic Essays

Permanent link | 8:18 AM | 0 comments

Monday, May 12, 2008

Things I hate right now.

1. ABC's coverage of the NBA playoffs.
2. Boorish Queen fans who think Freddie Mercury was a heterosexual.
3. Hillary Clinton's presence on the front page of my newspaper.
4. Most varieties of melted cheese.
5. Stealth religion.
6. Most book publicists.
7. Uncertainty about the status of my book proposals.
8. The greedy estates of some famous dead poets.
9. Humidity.
10. Upset stomach aches.
11. Lost not having re-cap marathons--isn't that what's ESPN2's for?
12. Most graphic novels.
13. Zydeco music.
14. Assessment.
15. Muffled bass lines.
16. Hipster love of country music.
17. The guy at HP technical support last Thursday night who made me take my video card out for no reason.
18. Pontificating holy men of any stripe.
19. Editors who won't get back to me.
20. People who re-arrange songs for karaoke versions.
21. Maple trees.
22. That there is no Sesame Street boxed set.
23. Most cats.
24. My own body.
25. Weak coffee.
26. Subwoofers.
27. 5.1 mixes at home--we'll only get the full effect if it's blasted, so why make this the standard? Oh, you can't hear me?
28. Third-party manufacturer Treo sync cables.
29. Most point guards in pick-up basketball games.
30. Lesson plans.
31. My thyroid gland.
32. Middle age.
33. Hearing gossip.

Labels: Things I hate right now

Permanent link | 11:54 AM | 0 comments

I need some sentences. Send them to me.

Yes, you read that right. Beginning this evening, I will be teaching a "Summer Immersion" class in essay writing, one that will be have a lot of in-class writing, with a lot of writing prompts. I have been telling my students that this class will be not unlike a jazzercise class, complete with me wearing that outfit to your left and a headband like Olivia Newton-John's in her "Let's Get Physical" video.

That's where you can come in. I would like to have a collection of sentences to give to my students, either to start off with, place in the middle of an essay, or whenever they get stuck.

So: do you have any sentences you can send along, dear reader of my website? Send 'em in. I'd like to put them up on this site as a post, along with your name, but if you're not into that, just tell me in the email.

Send sentences with the subject line "sentence" to danielnester at gmail dot dom. And thanks!

Labels: Beyond Camp, Johnny Depp Tribute videos set to Whitesnake songs, teaching

Permanent link | 11:30 AM | 0 comments

Covers Edition: The Umbrellas of Cherbourg love theme

I once figured out this song on electric guitar and had the brilliant idea of giving this Michel Legrand song the heavy metal treatment. Wammy bar, soaring leads, the works.

And I think it's Legrand's own fault: I have a live album of him performing his own songs, and his version of "I Will Wait For You" turns the mother out, breaks down the tempo. I think he was probably so sick of playing that song he wanted to make it six songs in one. Anyway, for this Covers Edition, we explore some of the many versions of the love theme from Les Parapluies de Cherbourg:









Oscar Peterson's here;







(Is that canned applause?)

Labels: Beyond Camp, Covers Edition

Permanent link | 9:48 AM | 0 comments

Graphic Essay 5: Gotso April.

Labels: Graphic Essays

Permanent link | 8:15 AM | 0 comments

Got "Add This" buttons running.

Click on that little doohickey button on the bottom left of any post, and pop-up window will appear. From there, you will be able to bookmark, share, broadcast, ask, Facebook, MySpace, and/or pull the finger of any of these posts. Had the buttons up there before; the code, however, was messed up. Now it's not. Enjoy.


We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

Labels: website updates

Permanent link | 7:27 AM | 0 comments

Friday, May 09, 2008

Repo Man: The Death of Duke, Plate of Shrimp.

Um, and how cool is it that Repo Man director Alex Cox is coming to Soft Skull Press, the same place where my books are published? [link] Maze went to a special screening of Sid and Nancy at Lincoln Center, where he was talking. We have an old drawing Maze did of Nancy Spungen up on our hallway; she's a big fan of And I Don't Want To Live This Life, one of the great trashy rock bios, written by Nancy's mother Deborah.



Miller:
A lot o' people don't realize what's really going on. They view life as a bunch o' unconnected incidents 'n things. They don't realize that there's this, like, lattice o' coincidence that lays on top o' everything. Give you an example; show you what I mean: suppose you're thinkin' about a plate o' shrimp. Suddenly someone'll say, like, plate, or shrimp, or plate o' shrimp out of the blue, no explanation. No point in lookin' for one, either. It's all part of a cosmic unconciousness.

Otto:
You eat a lot of acid, Miller, back in the hippie days?

Miller:
I'll give you another instance: you know how everybody's into weirdness right now?

Aww, heck. Here's another clip.

Labels: Beyond Camp, Shameless self-promotion

Permanent link | 8:58 AM | 0 comments

Graphic Essay 4: Stay inclusive.

Labels: Graphic Essays

Permanent link | 8:16 AM | 0 comments

Thursday, May 08, 2008

A quote from T.S., Eliot's "The Borderline of Prose":

Labels: Beyond Camp, teaching

Permanent link | 11:59 PM | 0 comments

Recently scanned: New York Halloweeen Party, 1994.

It's an oversized chair and when you sit in it and lift up a big baby bottle you look like a baby yourself. Get it? This was taken in Murray Hill in October 1994, when I first moved into New York City.

My Lord, I'm still wearing Doc Martens at this point.

And let's not forget Mr. Angel of Death walking by.

Labels: Beyond Camp, How to Be Inappropriate

Permanent link | 3:19 PM | 0 comments

The Lockhorns story ranking: Another plug.

Hey, get over there and read my piece about my ex-girlfriend on Mr. Beller's Neighborhood, why doncha?

I don't confess my improprieties for just nobody; I confess for everyone.

Plus I want to up my rankings on the "most popular stories." Yes, I'm that shameless.

Labels: How to Be Inappropriate, Shameless self-promotion

Permanent link | 9:29 AM | 0 comments

Graphic Essay 3: Ass market paperback.

Labels: Graphic Essays

Permanent link | 8:15 AM | 0 comments

Just out in Time Out New York.

My review of Dennis Cooper's The Weaklings [here]

Labels: Creative Nonfiction, Shameless self-promotion

Permanent link | 7:22 AM | 0 comments

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Brian May signs books at Book Soup in LA, May 6, 2008.

Dr. Brian "Is God" May, CBE, rocked on over to Book Soup to sign copies of Bang! The Complete History of the Universe yesterday. Righteous. Cool. Stupendous. Wish I was there.


Look who else is up on the marquee? Mr. Big Jim Industries himself!


Funny. There wasn't a line like this on the Sunset Strip for me when I dropped in to sign the two copies of God Save My Queen they had ordered. Nor was it a ticketed event, as it was for Brian.


Signing those Bangs!


I think that may be a new issue of a Brian May Red Special from Brian May Guitars.



And here's a delightfully psycho fan who has the iconic Mick Rock image of Queen from the cover of Queen II.

All photos courtesy of Jeff Findley Photography.

Labels: God Save My Queen, Queenspotting

Permanent link | 7:56 PM | 1 comments

"Three-quarters original, one-quarter inevitable" (David Lee Roth): One VH setlist.

After I promised to, I forgot to write in this space what the setlist was for the Van Halen reunion gig I saw November 8 last year at the Nassau Coliseum--now called the Izod Center--in Uniondale, NJ.

01. You Really Got Me (from Van Halen, 1978)
02. I'm the One (from Van Halen, 1978)
03. Runnin' With the Devil (from Van Halen, 1978)
04. Romeo Delight (from Women and Children First, 1980)
05. Somebody Get Me a Doctor (from Van Halen II, 1979)
06. Beautiful Girls (from Van Halen II, 1979)
07. Dance the Night Away (from Van Halen II, 1979)
08. Atomic Punk (from Van Halen, 1978)
09. Everybody Wants Some (from Women and Children First, 1980)
10. So This Is Love? (from Fair Warning, 1981)
11. Mean Street (from Fair Warning, 1981)
12. Pretty Woman (from Diver Down, 1982)
13. Drum Solo
14. Unchained (from Fair Warning, 1981)
15. I'll Wait (from 1984, 1984)
16. And the Cradle Will Rock (from Women and Children First, 1980)
17. Hot for Teacher (from 1984, 1984)
18. Little Dreamer (from Van Halen, 1978)
19. Little Guitars (from Diver Down, 1982)
20. Jamie's Cryin' (from Van Halen, 1978)
21. Ice Cream Man (from Van Halen, 1978)
22. Panama (from 1984, 1984)
23. Guitar Solo (incl. "Women in Love" intro, "Cathedral", "Eruption")
24. Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love (from Van Halen, 1978)

Encore
25. 1984 (from 1984, 1984)
26. Jump (from 1984, 1984)

Labels: Beyond Camp, Riffs

Permanent link | 11:47 AM | 0 comments

Graphic Essay 2: Phoenix.

Labels: Graphic Essays

Permanent link | 8:15 AM | 0 comments

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

A blast of Queen in Kurt Cobain documentary.

Or at least the trailer, linked above, from Kurt Cobain: About a Son. Cobain mentions listening to Queen's News of the World on 8-track and draining the battery of his father's van while waiting for his shift was over. The blast of Queen is from that album, "It's Late," a Brian May composition. Some details here.

I am kind of baffled why there's no Queen song on the soundtrack. My knee-jerk reaction would include a railing against rock critic types, but we like Michael Azerrad, who was the person who conducted the interviews with Kurt Cobain on which this documentary is based. Azerrad is cool.

UPDATE 5/12/08: Said baffling about Queen song solved. Michael Azerrad emails me to tell me that it was something on Queen's end that prevented the song appearing on the soundtrack. But the track "It's Late," he tells me, is indeed in the film itself. So it's off to Netflix to move it to the top of my queue.

Labels: God Save My Queen, Queenspotting, Riffs

Permanent link | 12:00 PM | 0 comments

Portrait of the artist as an aggressively eclectic old man.

Drawing by Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz.

Labels: Shameless self-promotion

Permanent link | 8:35 AM | 0 comments

Graphic Essay 1: "Genuine Cultural Moments."

Labels: Graphic Essays

Permanent link | 8:15 AM | 0 comments

Monday, May 05, 2008

Audience at Third Thursday.

.

Photo by Dan Wilcox.

Labels: Albany, Saint Rose

Permanent link | 7:56 PM | 0 comments

Just up on Mr Beller's Neighborhood: "The Puerto Rican Lockhorns Reunion."

"The Puerto Rican Lockhorns Reunion." a piece about my moving to New York, my ex-girlfriend Deena, and my general pretentiousness, is now up on Mr. Beller's Neighborhood. It's set to be the opening piece in How to Be Inappropriate, a collection of essays.

Hopefully, this piece will establish enough impropriety. If not there's essays on the following topics to help out, in no particular order: farting, mooning, dog poop, awkward sexual encounters, footlicking, obnoxious film students, obnoxious queries I ask my students, video games, hypocritical literary critics, Christian parodies, and saying goodbye to daily doses of New York poetry scene.

Labels: Creative Nonfiction, How to Be Inappropriate, memoir, Shameless self-promotion

Permanent link | 8:15 AM | 0 comments

Sunday, May 04, 2008

KPF image.

And this image would be a sneak preview of the photos I took at last night's Karaoke + Poetry = Fun gig last night. To your left, a detail from behind a KPFer as he sings a duet.

Labels: Karaoke + Poetry = Fun

Permanent link | 8:41 PM | 0 comments

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Tonight: Karaoke + Poetry = Fun returns!

Karaoke + Poetry = Fun
Saturday, May 3, 8pm-11pm
Spotty Dog Books & Ale
440 Warren Street
Hudson, NY 12534
518-671-6006

I will be hosting this illustrious and usually drunken reading/performance event as part of CLMP's All Lit Up Festival [flyer pdf].

Labels: Karaoke + Poetry = Fun, Shameless self-promotion

Permanent link | 10:59 AM | 0 comments

Frogs and lobster.

.

Permanent link | 9:49 AM | 0 comments

Friday, May 02, 2008

Do you like kitsch?

.

Permanent link | 12:52 AM | 0 comments

Cheesecake Machismo.

.

Permanent link | 12:52 AM | 0 comments

Labels: Beyond Camp, God Save My Queen, Queenspotting, Shameless self-promotion

Permanent link | 12:46 AM | 0 comments

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Reggie Watts.

Like most current trends, I am sure I am late to the party, but I want to endorse as my new favorite comedian, Reggie Watts. He succeeds Patton Oswalt, who remains in my top five. And it's almost unfair to call Reggie Watts just a comedian. He's part absurdist along the lines of early Steve Martin, part punk Ashbery along the lines of Todd Colby, part the-guy-from-the-Police Academy movies (Michael Winslow), part beatbox master like Rahzel, part Tenacious D, part Bobby McFerrin, part Lenny Bruce.

The clip on his own website, unembeddable here, is of the highest quality, and is a must-see. Here's one from his MySpace page.

It Gets Better from Jakob Lodwick on Vimeo.

Labels: and raves, Beyond Camp, Don Johnson, Frequency North, Reggie Watts, Riffs

Permanent link | 11:35 AM | 0 comments

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