"His stories are, as the title suggests, inappropriate, and they often engender squeamishness, discomfort, and laughter. But they are fresh and, at times, touching, qualities that make this an enjoyable read."--Library Journal
"One of the year's funniest books."--Largehearted Boy
Whoopee
cushion coupon. When you buy a copy of the book and send this
coupon, along with the book, to Daniel Nester's home, he will send you
an official How to Be Inappropriate whoopee cushion. That's
right: inflate one of these puppies and let the faux farts fly!
While supplies last. [PDF]
Shelf talker. You know those pieces of paper that stick out
of bookstore shelves that touts a title of note? They're called shelf-talkers,
and here at Inappropriate Headquarters, we have made some for your own
shelf-talking pleasure. print it out, and place it under copies of How
to Be Inappropriate at your local bookstore. Or print one out and
place one on your own bookshelf! Alternatively, you can use this as
a bookmark or to flag down authorities at a roadside accident. [PDF]
The unstoppable force that is the Pank literary magazine empire asked me to do a column for them, which gave me the perfect opportunity to pitch something I've always wanted to do: write my own straight-faced version of "King's Things: It's My Two Cents," something Larry King did every Friday with his old USA Today column and other places.
I pitched it to a lot of places, but it was Pank was the first place to let me do it. Check the first one here; it will be archived here.
An "It's My Two Cents" column is three-dot journalism. Termed by the late San Francisco columnist Herb Caen as far as I can tell, three-dot journalism comprises shortish pieces and bits separated by ellipses. It's part of the family tree of gossip and show business articles thatothers did and still do. I'm surprised more people don't still use it, although you could say most blogs and all Twitter posts are three-dot writing of some stripe or another.
We've done collaborative Two Cents-style columns in my classes and published them online here and there. I always say to my students, if you think experimental essayistic writing lives in some ivory tower somewhere or exclusively in translation or rests in those so-called lyric ones, you're wrong. King is the OG.
Then came Twitter. King's Things' bits-and-pieces, fragmented style is perfect for for 140-character microblogging, and so when Larry started it there, more than a million people followed.
My Pank column will run on Fridays, as long as I can keep it up, My one spin on the original is that I include links to other places in the series of tubes.
The winter break is going to be busy. New dates to the PUBLIC AWKWARDNESS tour have been added out west; here are the details:
Thursday, January 7 7:30pm Powell's Books on Hawthorne
3723 SE Hawthorne Blvd.
Portland, OR 97214
503-228-4651
Saturday, January 9 6:30pm Third Place Books 17171 Bothell Way NE
Lake Forest Park, WA 98155
206-366-3316
Monday, January 11 7pm
The Rumpus Reading
Lots of other authors and entertainers! The Make-Out Room 3225 22nd St.
San Francisco, CA 94110
415-647-2888
Admission: $10
Coming up soon is my reading with Stephen Elliott on his tour behind his superb book The Adderall Diaries, along with Nick Flynn coming on Saturday, November 14 at 7pm, The Spotty Dog Books & Ale in Hudson, NY.
Also added: Thursday, December 10, at 8pm: Animal Farm Reading Series with Rachel Sherman and Jessica Anthony. Happy Ending, 302 Broome Street, New York, NY.
Claire Shefchik reviews HTBI at literary blog called Vol 1 Brooklyn. Just when I think she doesn't like it, she kinda does. Either way, it's a smart review, well-written. Safe to say she didn't like the Terry Gross-Gene Simmons piece, excerpted here. For the record: It hurt the most when the reviewer didn't like my journalism-y pieces.
Dan Wilcox reviews the HTBI Albany release party. He's too shy to admit it, but when he sang karaoke, the Danster changed "I Wanna Be Sedated" to "I Wanna Be Fellated." Genius.
I keep my Twitter account private (i.e., "protected") because I don't want everyone to see everything I post; I would like at least one online space where I feel like I can be an idiot. Believe you me: I am protecting me from you.
But there's a couple of Tweets I've posted I think could be posted to the world and benefit society in some way.*
Some conclusions I can draw from looking at these again: I shamelessly navel-gaze; I have a fixation on Mia Michaels, the loopy choreography from So You Think You Can Dance? (abbreviated as #SYTYCD here); I re-tweet, or RT, my @Adagia_Project a lot, and I think poets who went to Iowa and become self-proclaimed memoir-essay experts are Tartuffian idiots.
OK. Here's some tweetage from the month of June. If you like this, tell me: I'll do it next month, too.
Think post Jay Bennett Wilco has been overrated, by the way. And "America's Radiohead" is faint praise. [Gets off soapbox]
New Wilco sounds like Traveling Wilburys, complete with faux George Harrison guitar and Jeff Lyne vocal 25 minutes ago from web
File under WTF: Zachary Quinto falls walking dog w/ guy dressed as steak. Throws hissyfit: http://tinyurl.com/mxa8ak
Spin's "Purple Rain: The Oral History" will be used in my oral history class this semester! Super. 5:47 AM Jun 24th from web
Soooo looking forward to reading the Roger Troutman article here: http://waxpoetics.com/issue...5:45 AM Jun 24th from web
RT @arthurmagazine Attention technology-will-save-us-in-the-end people! Where's my biodegradable cel phone? Compostable computer? Etc 4:38 AM Jun 24th from web
RT @Brendacopeland Margaritas make you feel the way you ought to feel without margaritas. 2:37 AM Jun 24th from web
RT @Adagia_Project 17. The horrible inside. Also included with this offer. 5:06 PM Jun 23rd from web
@timesunionlive Am DVRing so am a bit behind everyone. All we can do is hope. But Richard Marx? Richard Marx. 5:10 AM Jun 18th from web in reply to timesunionlive
@pankmagazine I will come to wherever you are in Michigan and take you off the Hot Tamale Train.
Mia Michaels must DIE! #SYTYCD5:06 AM Jun 18th from web in reply to pankmagazine
Richard Marx? Richard. Marx. #SYTYCD 4:55 AM Jun 18th from web
No Mia Michaels. Not yet. Life is good. #SYTYCD 4:54 AM Jun 18th from web
RT @specksnyder Reading: "Literary Magazines: The Big List", http://bit.ly/MYNFF. 6:29 PM Jun 17th from web
Playing reissue CD by Hammond organist great Jackie Davis, aka Porterhouse from Caddyshack. Who knew? http://tinyurl.com/kwub94 11:47 PM Jun 16th from web
Clive Thompson in Wired: "Books have been held hostage offline for far too long." http://tinyurl.com/qlm892 5:45 PM Jun 15th from web
RT @largeheartedboy Authors signing Kindles http://bit.ly/14LHA3 4:30 PM Jun 15th from web
Katy Perry doing Queen's Don't Stop Me Now: http://bit.ly/AVmMh 4:22 AM Jun 15th from web
And Brian May with Katy Perry and band, also from BrianMay.com: http://bit.ly/Z0EL2 4:19 AM Jun 15th from web
Brian May and Katy Perry meet backstage--a wonderbra picture from http://bit.ly/DGtY8 4:18 AM Jun 15th from web
my mom just told me she was once "kissed by a Righteous Brother." Which one? "The tall one, of course!" 4:49 AM Jun 14th from web
Sea Isle City is beautiful this morning. Nephews and I won several whoopie cushions playing skee ball, official sport of boardwalks. 4:12 PM Jun 13th from web
Shappy Seasholtz's Zombie Stand-Up and Whale Song for My Bastard Son on Pank: http://www.pankmagazine.com... 12:31 AM Jun 13th from web
RT @Adagia_Project 8. As the dodo hums, asswipe.6:10 PM Jun 12th from web
RT @chrispetterson it'll take you a minute to realize this isn't from @TheOnion: http://bit.ly/z6tTo 6:54 AM Jun 12th from web
RT @chaiteaisgood Thou shalt not use a public restroom stall with no lock. I am speaking from experience here...#11thcommandment5:55 AM Jun 12th from web
The wait is over. Per Gessle announces Roxette Reunion on SIRIUS XM Radio http://bit.ly/mJUJz 4:16 AM Jun 12th from web
Collaborative poem written by nephews and I, read by my mother, for Linebreak's Unstressed blog: http://tinyurl.com/nkvsuu 2:50 AM Jun 12th from web
RT pankmagazine FYI: When u say you'll only let us put yr work online if we publish you in the print issue, yr work will be declined, unread 9:29 PM Jun 11th from web
RT @timesunion Passerby yells at billionaire Tom Golisano as he fielded questions about funding NY Senate takeover http://bit.ly/18YL2C 7:33 AM Jun 11th from web
If you wish, you may follow my 12-year-old nephew Charlie's tweetage, even though he's a douchebag: @chaiteaisgood 6:17 AM Jun 11th from web
My nephews just told me about the environmentally friendly Google, called Blackle; heard of it? http://blackle.com/
But first, an old poem of mine I posted up on Linebreak's Unstressed blog: http://tinyurl.com/lc882f 5:34 AM Jun 11th from web
poem by yours truly on Linebreak's Unstressed blog: “Found Poem: Gene Simmons Impersonator": http://tinyurl.com/lq8wlm
Two books, vastly different, by my friends that I think deserve your kind attention: http://tinyurl.com/ldrn59 7:35 PM Jun 9th from web
Tony Sciuto's debut LP 1980's Island Nights, features Toto members Steve Lukather and Jeff Porcaro; here's a cut:http://tinyurl.com/lx5qlp 7:32 PM Jun 9th from web
Co-writer of "Last Sound Love Makes" is Tony Sciuto, formerly of Little River Band: http://www.tonysciuto.net/
This Don Johnson song, IMHO, is one guitar pedal away from a cut off of Replacement's Pleased to Meet Me: http://tinyurl.com/l9998a 7:03 PM Jun 9th from web
Old poem of mine up on Linebreak's Unstressed blog: “Mick Jagger Is Not Afraid And Neither Should You Be": http://tinyurl.com/lwblwd 5:04 PM Jun 9th from web
RT @htmlgiant Bennett Cerf asks, Do you have a restless urge to write? - http://tinyurl.com/lhcmntless 3:12 AM Jun 9th from web
@tarabetts I am playing Carl Carlton's "She's a Bad Mama Jama" on an 8-track boombox as we speak. 12:35 AM Jun 9th from web in reply to tarabetts
@lnorthrup I bought a Oh Hell No from you! I love them. Is there a link to other samples for me to peruse, browse, review? 12:34 AM Jun 9th from web in reply to lnorthrup
Guest blogging this week at Linebreak's Unstressed blog: http://linebreak.org/blog/ 12:14 AM Jun 9th from web
RT @Lefsetz Gizmodo and other tech blogs update automatically, NYTimes does not. Mainstream media is inept, destroying itself. 10:29 PM Jun 8th from web
#musicmonday Little Boots' covers Freddie Mercury's Love Kills from Giorgio Moroder's oft-reviled Metropolis: http://tinyurl.com/mlvatb 8:15 PM Jun 8th from web
@RandyHernandez Character? WhachootalkinboutWillis? 7:35 PM Jun 8th from web in reply to RandyHernandez
@jedediahberry Small Beer's $1 warehouse clearance sale ends Wednesday. Grab 'em while you can: http://is.gd/TcMA 7:19 PM Jun 8th from web
RT @Adagia_Project 4. Not important now? Not important to your parents. 6:29 PM Jun 8th from web
RT @R_Nash Wordnik beta now open. @FakeErinMcKean wearing alphabetical-print clothing to celebrate. http://www.wordnik.com 6:28 PM Jun 8th from web
Trustafarians begin to work for living, says Times: http://bit.ly/6Dnyz 4:35 PM Jun 8th from web
Why the FREAK won't Journey get back together? Unbelievable. They're our musical lingua franca #Tonys 5:38 AM Jun 8th from web
Went to Albany Flea today. It's there every Sunday. There's cool stuff there, cool vibe. You should check it out! http://albanyflea.com/ 3:06 AM Jun 8th from web
Bound for Hell, Or Glory? David Carradine and the Feistiest Film Panel Ever http://bit.ly/12qDxB 6:54 AM Jun 7th from mobile web
RT @timesunion New owner for Bob & Ron's: Bob & Ron's Fish Fry on Central Avenue has been sold. http://bit.ly/12s1t2
RT @Adagia_Project 3. Every important word should end with the suffix “Turner Overdrive.” 11:34 PM Jun 5th from web
Honor Moore's "Remembering [translator] Paul Schmidt," He was married to Stockard Channing? Who knew? http://tinyurl.com/l5egfl [PDF] 6:52 PM Jun 5th from web
@gatewaygroupie Have a cassette player in my 2003 Volvo, oddly. Got Street Talk cassette for shits & giggles. Make no mistake: I have the CD. 6:16 PM Jun 5th from web in reply to gatewaygroupie
@thebookslut So, what if I were to say to you that I was listening to--and enjoying--Steve Perry's solo album Street Talk? On cassette? 6:10 PM Jun 5th from web in reply to thebookslut
Jimmy Fallon's Dave Matthews GPS: http://bit.ly/tajXk 5:39 PM Jun 5th from web
Put last-minute manuscript additions in; book sent to design people; release date November, with copies in stores in October. 5:32 PM Jun 5th from web
Mia Michaels must die. As well as Lil' C. #sytycd 6:30 AM Jun 5th from web
@pankmagazine Many of those same writers are Pushcart Prize nominees. 4:53 AM Jun 5th from web in reply to pankmagazine
I still get Rip Torn and Rip Taylor mixed up. 4:43 AM Jun 5th from web
Q: How many Iowa poets who switch to essays does it take the fun out of writing? A: Not many. But they're multiplying. 9:06 PM Jun 4th from web
Onion: Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Crap That Doesn’t Even Work (NSFW): http://tinyurl.com/bap7bk 8:26 PM Jun 4th from web
Another reason Upstate NY rocks: flea markets! One Sat: Another Sun: http://www.albanyflea.com/ 8:19 PM Jun 4th from web
RT @timesunionarts Latest arts news: Saint Rose alumni art exhibit honors educator Karene Faul http://tinyurl.com/q3k79b 5:07 PM Jun 4th from web
The lean, mean Newsweek takes on Oprah's junk medicine. Maybe I should subscribe. @Lefsetz letters about it, too. http://tinyurl.com/p2jocq 6:45 AM Jun 4th from web
Mia Michaels is back! In all her I-choreographed-Celine Dion glory! sytycd 5:35 AM Jun 4th from web
RT @kingsthings this just in from the water cooler... we need more water! 5:30 AM Jun 4th from web
Did BEA ever make it onto Twitter's Trending Topics? Is that, too, a sign of the Armageddon? 5:25 AM Jun 4th from web
Got Hotel Amerika's Trans Genre issue. Haven't updated website in forever. Trust me, this one looks good. http://hotelamerika.net 12:44 AM Jun 4th from web
RT @Adagia_Project 1. All friends become your enemies. 5:31 PM Jun 3rd from web
@RandyHernandez If I were Salinger I'd be suing people's vital organs off. But there's gotta be some leeway as far as parody's concerned. 3:44 AM Jun 3rd from web in reply to RandyHernandez
follow the @Adagia_Project to get a bit of perverted wisdom every morning. 10:51 PM Jun 2nd from web
My Google alerts alighted with success of Daniel Nestor, my Canadian tennis pro alter-ego, who has advanced to the French Open semifinals 7:35 PM Jun 2nd from web
Sherman Alexie sees Kindle-reading woman, and wants to punch her. Noice. http://www.nytimes.com/2009... 10:22 PM Jun 1st from web
@The_Rumpus Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the User Generated Submission License Agreement: http://twitpic.com/6eluj 10:03 PM Jun 1st from web
Forgot to tell publishers I write reviews when I visited booths. Hard to shift self-promotion modes from writer to reviewer. #BEA09 8:11 PM Jun 1st from web
RT @Michael_Schiavo Big. Star. Box. Set. Why I love Rhino. http://bit.ly/VZRSl
dinner in chelsea with miriam and maisie before we drive back up to albany. i get to see my honey and my munchkin. yay!1:56 AM Jun 1st from web
at housing works for clmp's fab magathon fair #bea09 10:36 PM May 31st from web
met new editor and counterpoint berkeley peops, gave out whhopie cushions to librarians and booksellers. success. #bea09 8:25 AM May 31st from web
mcsweeney's/rumpus/smith event jessica anthony superb, then pgw party 7:28 AM May 31st from web
i miss oren's coffee! bea096:39 PM May 30th from txt
Stop by Counterpoint/Soft Skull booth #4437 and hear How to Be Inappropriate spiel I wrote my pitch on back of an envelope. I'm ready #BEA09 5:35 PM May 30th from web
gave out four whoopee cushions last night. good practice for today 5:29 PM May 30th from web
at cow girl hall of fame...after beatweetup i guess 7:00 AM May 30th from txt
[This user's updates are protected.]
*It's better than writing about how experimental/disruptive/flarf/post avant poetry can save the world.
"The Talk Box Reveries," on guitars, guitar playing, the talk box guitar effect, Pete Drake, Peter Frampton, is just out in Pank magazine, Issue #3, 2009. Pick up the issue!
That's my illustration over there. Pretty good, huh? Single-click on it for a larger version. It's meant to illustrate how my talk box, a Rocktron Banshee, works, not to offer a likeness of yours truly. Or anyone else for that matter.
A version of this piece will be in How to Be Inappropriate, which, if you click on the link right there, you will find is now available for pre-ordering. Yes, it is.
Whoopee
cushion coupon. When you buy a copy of the book and send this
coupon, along with the book, to Daniel Nester's home, he will send you
an official How to Be Inappropriate whoopee cushion. That's
right: inflate one of these puppies and let the faux farts fly!
While supplies last. [
